Lost Horizons

The World's Favourite Airline? Not mine!

Well tonight I am going back to England, not because I want to, I don’t, but because I have to. My company wants me back in the UK for a meeting. Now their policy is that staff should only travel if it is business essential. Ha! With umpteen thousand people in the UK working for us, why couldn’t one of them do it?
Anyway the long and short of it, is I will be availing myself of the delights of the business class lounge at Hong Kong Airport, before going onboard to be welcomed by a homosexual in grey flannel trousers, and I will know that effectively I am back in the UK (scones for breakfast, anyone?). Of course British Airways has changed the name of business class to club class, does this mean you have to join the club to fly in this area of the plane, of course not and it means that people can bring their babies in there, which are essentially a huge lung covered only in a light veneer of skin. It is simply not fair to impose your screaming child on other people, people who have paid thousands of pounds for a flat bed and therefore the promise of some sleep. British Airways does not allow you to smoke while on board, or carry knitting needles or have sexual intercourse with other passengers. You are also not allowed to board if you have shoes with explosive soles or if you’ve had one too many tinctures in the departure lounge. And if you make any sort of joke, about anything at all, in earshot of the stewardesses, you will be tied to your seat as though it was the fifteenth century, and you were in the stocks – but screaming infants, that’s fine!
So, after the twelve hour torture tube, where life is only made reasonable by immersing your taste buds in some half reasonable red wine, I will take advantage of the arrivals lounge at Heathrow where I can use the “refreshing power showers, business facilities” and fill my guts with “a choice from the breakfast buffet”.

Next time I will look at flying Virgin, where at least I can get a massage, and prop up the bar on the flight, or I could go by train.

posted by Luke @ 10:48 AM